Argh

You know what bothers me... people saying things like this:

"Everything happens for a reason."

"Your time will come, don't worry! Just keep positive and you'll get pregnant."

"It took my friend three rounds of Clomid and just as they stopped the third round she got pregnant! It's totally normal, don't stress."

Don't stress. Please, when in my life have I ever been able to not stress! What are the chances I'll be able to not stress about this situation? Slim to none. I'm just tired of the platitudes. People are right about one thing, it will eventually be okay. However, I'm not going to pretend like I'm all happy and excited about this new development in our journey to having a baby. I have a right to be irked!

The news

Well I typed up a long post on livejournal because this is a pretty personal subject... I'm not going to go into details here, but it turns out that "calling in the professionals" was a good idea. In the next few weeks, I'll be having an HSG ultrasound and some blood work to find out what's wrong. If there's no tubal blockage, they are going to start me on hormone treatments.

I am tired and a little bit sad. I always had this worry in the back of my mind that it would be hard for me to get pregnant, but I never actually thought it would become a reality.

Adios 2009!

So this year I decided to look back at my resolutions for 2009 and see what's changed... what hasn't... and what's still in the plans for 2010.

2009, a recap:

2009 started out pretty rough for me. I broke my foot during the 3rd week in January. I did it in the most ridiculous way possible of course. I decided to try my Rebounders... a gym lined wall-to-wall with trampolines. After 5 minutes of falling on my ass, I should've realized it wasn't for me, but instead I figured I'd jump in the air and bounce off the trampoline on my butt. Needless to say, I won't be visiting that place again. I was on crutches and in a walking-boot until Mid-March.

On a more positive note, Steve had a great beginning to 2009. He started working for Coleman Technologies and has experienced a great deal of growth in his career thanks to that company. He's received a raise and bonuses pretty consistently since he began working there. After the whole Tile-Usa debaucle... we were very happy and able to live a little more comfortably on two salaries.

In February, Steve and I decided that our careers were going well and it was time to start trying to have a baby. I stopped taking birth control and we began our journey into becoming parents. More on this later...

In March, I found out that I was going to be rehired for the next school year! It was another stressful end to the school year with more budget cuts and layoffs. I was also informed that I'd be moving up to teach the 3rd grade. I was a little hesitant about it, but glad to have a job for the next school year.

The school year came to a successful end. During the summer, Steve and I were able to travel to Philadelphia to visit Jaime and Dan. It was another fabulous trip up there and we've pretty much decided that we're going to try and make it an annual tradition. In July, I had another chance to satisfy my travel obsession by taking a trip to Costa Rica with Shelly and Tara. We found an all inclusive trip (airfare, car rental, hotels) for a week in three beautiful cities in Costa Rica. We were able to go swimming in a hot spring, go ziplining and horseback riding. It was an amazing week!

In July and August we did some repairs to our home. We finally painted our cabinets and expanded our pantry. The kitchen is still a work in progress... Next up, new countertops and re-tiling the floor. I also spent a lot of the summer at Universal Studios due to the free summer passes that the Dept. of Education gave for teachers! I was able to grow in my friendships with two amazing ladies that I work with, Heather and Marina. They've honestly helped me keep my sanity when things at work get a little crazy. We went to Universal a few times this summer and enjoyed being free from work!

August started a new school year for me. I was on a new team, new grade level, and new kids. My class was a challenging one and I was faced with the most difficult child I've ever encountered. He had mental disabilities and I started on the process of working with the county to get him switched to a special program for students that are behaviorally and emotionally disturbed. On the bright side, my school was able to improve our school grade from a low D to a high C. We were 2 points away from a B! Because of the progress, we all received bonuses.

In September, I was asked to be the 3rd grade team leader. This was one of my personal goals and the next step in my career plan! The rest of the fall has gone by in a breeze. Work stress is definitely at an all time high. I haven't been able to go to the gym as much as I used to because of all of the work stresses. I volunteered to tutor three days a week. HUGE MISTAKE. It brings in a little extra money, but keeps me at work until almost 5pm daily. Lesson learned... I won't be doing that next year.

On the upside, in 2009 I was able to finish the rest of my Alternative Certification classes and I am now eligible to apply for my Professional Certificate. With that comes more assurance that I'll have a job for the next school year.

Throughout 2009, I've been fighting with the difficult decision of changing careers. As of now, I am undecided. I go back and forth and toy with the idea of going back to school for nursing. It's not that I don't like teaching... it's that I wonder if there might not be a better fit for me. I hope that 2010 will bring me more peace, confidence, and the ability to make this difficult decision.

Since March, Steve and I have been trying to have a baby. For the first couple of months we were laid back about it. We figured it would happen pretty quickly. By June, we decided to use ovulation strips and count the days. By October, we were becoming worried. In November, I discovered that I wasn't ovulating regularly. Now it's December and I'm going to see the doctor today. I really thought that in 2009 I'd become a mother and I'm sad to say that that hasn't happened. I know that there's still plenty of time and Steve and I aren't really in a rush... but I'm hoping that 2010 brings us that baby that we've been dreaming of!

2009 became the year of BOOKS for me. According to my GoodReads account, I read 52 books this year. One a week! I discovered the Hunger Games, my favorite book of all time. My friend Cayenne has been lending me tons of great books to read. I discovered that reading is not only a hobby for me, but a NEED. It's my way to destress and escape from the craziness that my life has become. I'm hoping to read even more books next year.

Well goodbye 2009. Here's to a better 2010! Happy New Year everyone!

Calling in the professionals...

So I broke down and made an appt. to see the gyno next week about my pregnancy concerns. I felt silly and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but after 9 months and 2 months without ovulating I'm starting to get a little antsy. Steve thinks I should wait for a year to come before going to the doctor... but I don't see the issue with going now. If I was getting my double stripes on the ovulation tests then I'd know everything was alright. But obviously something is off....

It is incredible how invigorated and rested I feel after only one day on vacation. Just knowing that I don't have to go to work tomorrow lifts this huge weight from my shoulders. It's not that I hate my job... I love working with children. It's just the extreme stress that I'm subjected to each day is really taking a toll on me physically. For the first time in weeks, I woke up feeling energized. I actually didn't get a headache today either. Which is a miracle in itself since I get headaches daily.

Needless to say, I really needed this vacation.

We don't really have anything major planned over the break. Sometimes I wish that Steve had become a teacher as he originally planned so that we'd have vacations together. I can't complain though... he has a really great job.

Baby frustration has been mounting in the past couple of months and as the new year approaches I feel even more frustrated. I figured I'd have a little munchkin of my own by this point... or at least be pretty far in my pregnancy. I was late by 3 days this time and I thought I might be pregnant. Instead, I woke up on Sunday with the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. I ended up downing a huge painkiller and spending Sunday in a drug-induced haze of self pity. Not fun.

For the first time in years, Steve and I aren't going to have to drive down to West Palm and up to Ocala within a few days. WOOHOO! We love our parents, but the traveling is starting to get a little old. This Christmas we're celebrating at my sister's house here in Orlando and then driving up to Ocala. Can't wait! I am in a little shock that this year's coming to a close. Wow... 2009, you generally sucked. Heh.

Anyways, long "2009 Recap" post to come...! Happy Holidays everyone.

TMI

I hate to get my hopes up every month, but I'm praying that this is the month we finally make baby Heydorn. It's been 8 months of trying now. I never expected that it would take this long. I'm scared shitless that one-year is going to roll around and no baby.

I'm apparently not as fertile as I thought. I haven't ovulated in 2 months or so... which makes getting pregnant really damn difficult.

Anyways, just keep your prayers with us and hopefully this will be it!

Grace in Small Things 14/365

1. My husband making an appetizer dinner for us tonite. Hummus, pita, veggies, cold-cuts... yum.

2. This picture:

3. Feeling hope for the next few months. I haven't felt very optimistic in a long time. It's a good feeling!

4. Jaime coming into town in a few weeks! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

Breathe

It's really hard for me to accept sometimes that I don't have to have the whole next few years of my life planned out completely. It's hard for me to let go and just BREATHE. Stress is ruining my health at the age of 27. It is time for me to make some major changes or I'm going to have major medical problems by the age of 40.

Steve said that I'm much nicer when I'm home in West Palm. I told him that the main reason is that I'm away from work. My job has turned me into a person that I am not proud of. I chew my nails down to the quick and my stomach is constantly in knots. This constant assault on my body that stress is causing is making me ill.

I made some deadlines and goals for myself for the next 6 months or so. I figured that typing everything up and keeping it somewhere visible would be a good plan. That way I don't have any excuses and I can't forget.

Also, I keep thinking about Einstein's definition of insanity. I always joke that my job is making me insane. Well here's the definition: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Well I've been doing the same thing for three years and expecting things to change and improve and they haven't. So I'm going to have the make the change happen myself.

Just some heavy thoughts for the evening.

To lighten the mood:

Here's a couples of "teasers" from our Trash the Dress photo session with the best photographers in the world! I'll be posting more once I get the disc with all the pics.

Thanksgiving 2009

It is great to be home and spending time with my family. Ate a huge amount of food yesterday and did some major shopping today. Good times!

Grace in Small Things 13/365

1. http://www.bubbalous.com/ - Bubbalou's Bodacious BBQ for dinner. It's got three dancing pigs on the sign. You can get a dish called the "Big Big Pig." How classy can you possibly get! De-li-c-ious!

2. Finding a new gym that has ZUMBA classes. Never heard of Zumba, but after watching for a few minutes I've come to the conclusion that it includes people shaking their arses to Middle Eastern music. I like.

3. Cute little student of mine being my little helper today because I wasn't feeling well. Said student organized the computer area, chairs and then came up to me and asked - "Is there anything else I can help you with Mrs. Heydorn?" Too cute!

4.

Special on National Geographic about the Appalachian Trail. Now I am by no means a nature/outdoorsy person... but this really looked beautiful. Apparently it stretches from Georgia to Maine and people spend 5-6 months hiking the whole length of it. That seems really scary to me... but on the other hand, I can understand why someone would want to experience something like that. My idea of going backpacking is taking the Eurorail through Western Europe. Not as daring but definitely just as exciting!

Grace in Small Things 12/365

1. Edy's Fruit Bars in Coconut. Doesn't matter the season... these things propel me right into the middle of summer again. LOVE it.

2. How I Met Your Mother - this show is hilarious. I love Barney (NPH!), he's hilarious. Also love the nerdy marriage of Lily and Marshall, it makes me think of Steve and I.

3. Homemade sausage and pasta sauce with veggies. My father in law made homemade sausage. How weird is that? It was absolutely delicious though.

4. It's already Wednesday and the weekend is just a couple of days away!

5. The possibility of spending next Halloween in NJ. My cousin is getting married on the 30th of October and I'm thinking we might swing over to Philly and head over to Eastern State for their Halloween festivities!

Grace in Small Things 11/365

Time to pick this up again. I've had a pretty good week so far. My head is full of negative thoughts though about this pregnancy thing. Why do I have so many fertile friends? lol

Anyways, no negativity in this post. Time to focus on the GOOD!

1. OWL CITY - totally, completely in love with this music. I spent the past three weeks literally shunning all the other music on my iPod to listen to Owl City. I now can sing pretty much every word to every song on the CD. You can't be in a bad mood when you listen to it. It simply is not possible.

2.

Adam Levine. He just does it for me. Can't explain why. It's not rational. lol

3. Pumpkin Spice coffee - I have spent the past couple of months completely immersing myself in pumpkin flavored products. Muffins, bread, coffee, tea... doesn't matter. I love it all. Well, I decided that Starbucks' Pumpkin coffee is garbage. Dunkin Donuts definitely has the best one! It's so delicious... I am definitely going to miss it when the season is over.

4. Cooler (and by FL standards that means in the low 80s) weather. Thank gawd. Now I just need it to dip below 65 and I'll truly be happy.

5. Scarves - I wish I could wear one every day. I love the one I bought in Costa Rica from a street vendor. Burgundy, mustard and brown with gold threads sewn through it. It's gorgeous and it makes me think of the awesome time I had there with my girls.

Ahhh. This post made me feel better.

What to expect when you're trying to conceive...

I think I'm going crazy with this trying to make a baby business. I just bought an ovulation microscope. A few months back, a friend of mine on livejournal suggested that I get one instead of using those (really expensive) ovulation predictor strips. She says a friend swore by it and got pregnant once she started using it. I didn't think it sounded very good so I didn't order it at the time. Well, I'm reading this:

And it kinda explained the reasoning behind using it etc etc... so I got online and found one for about $25. I figured... what the hell. At this point, I'm at the half-way point of FREAKING THE HELL OUT... so I don't have much to lose. Plus those ovulation pee-strips are godawful expensive. About 20 bucks a pop for only SEVEN. Whose cycle is that normal that they only need seven? I need like 27 per month to figure out what's going on.

Another gripe of mine: Hearing people's solutions that supposedly got them pregnant quicker than you can say fallopian tube.

"Have sex on the 10th, 12th and 14th day of your cycle. If your husband attempts to touch you on the 11th... 13th... or 15th... tell him to get the hell away from you."

"Stand on your head after sex."

"Don't pee right after doing the deed! You'll flush the little buggers out."

You get the picture. I've tried to lay off the stressin' over this in the past couple of cycles... but lately I'm feeling the babyitis itch coming on with a vengeance. Our original plan: pregnant by July/August. Well kids, it's November already. I'll be surprised if we conceive before the end of the year. This puts me giving birth just in time for the next school year to start. NOT COOL.

Must relax... must relax...

Read my reviews!

I started a blog to review all of the books I read this year. I'm trying to read at least one book a week and so far I'm keeping up with my plan.

Check it out: http://theperfectpage.wordpress.com

I've got a city love...

Steve is off on business in Denver for the week. I miss him horribly, but I'm completely ecstatic that his job is allowing him a lot of opportunities to travel. I am a little jealous of course because I would welcome the chance to hop on a plane to just about anywhere right now.

Today he called me and told me that he's completely enamoured with Denver. He loves the food, the architecture and beauty of the place. Steve has CITY LOVE! I'm so amused because I'm always telling him how much I love the city. I love the feel, smell, and pace of living in the city. I have major city love for pretty much every major city I've been. My latest crush is Philadelphia. He actually told me that he'd move there and that it's now his second favorite city (Taormina being the first. If you don't know about Taormina, look it up. It should be on your list!).

This made me immensely happy because my goal is to move out of Florida one day and experience life somewhere else. Preferably somewhere that is blessed with all four seasons. Not the two seasons that Florida gets - summer and almost summer. The leaves changing... *sigh* I wish we had that here. Steve's always been pretty stuck on the fact that he has no intention of leaving Florida if he can help it. To hear him open up to somewhere else made me smile from ear to ear.

6 Month Mark

6 months of trying for baby and nothing yet. Apparently I'm not supposed to be concerned until a year. Easy for everyone to say when they're not going through it. Steve and I were really sure this was gonna be the month, but I guess it's just not meant to be yet.

FRUSTRATION!

Finally a victory!

The special needs child in my classroom is finally being moved to the special classroom that he needs. I can breathe a sigh of relief not only for myself (no more desks being thrown!) but for him. He will be in a classroom with only 6 other children and 3 teachers. I can't wait to hear how he does with it all.

Another bit of good news today - I was nominated for Teacher of the Year! I'm one of the finalists at my school. Now they'll do another vote and come up with a winner. It means a lot to me because it was decided on by my fellow teachers.

Same ol' stuff going on lately with the job/career uncertainty. I am still considering all the options I talked about on here before. But another thing came up today. UCF is offering a grant for teachers to get their Masters in Reading Education. I'm going to the informational session next month to see if this would be an option for me. Reading is my passion... so why not become more specialized?

Rethinking

Trying to choose the right career path is exhausting. Feeling like you may have veered down the wrong one and redirecting yourself is absolutely draining. I'm trying to take stock of my interests and goals for the next few years to make sure that I'm on the right track.

I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning. I want to feel positive. I want to do something that I LOVE and have a passion for. I know that that something is out there, I just haven't found it yet.

I daydream about the day when I'll have a career, a purpose that makes me smile and wake up in the morning filled with the possibilities of the day ahead of me.

My interests:
Books
Criminal Justice/Forensics
Children
Animals
Music

Is it unrealistic to think that I could find a career that touches on any of these? I work with children right now... but I feel like I'm spending most of my time disciplining and not teaching. I feel like I'm not reaching the children and I'm starting to doubt my abilities.

Owl City!

I love being introduced to good music. My friend Kelley sent me a CD and a card when I had the flu a couple of weeks ago and I popped it into my player today and fell in love!

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay

Awake when I'm asleep

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Empty

The past week went from being terrible... to being stressful, but not so terrible... to being bearable. The best part - I have Friday off so I have a long weekend to rest and recharge.
Good lord do I need it!

No baby yet. Technically, we started trying in April, so we're going on six months. If you want to get down to the details though, we had some "complications" a couple of the months. We were up in PA for one cycle... then I was in Costa Rica for another. So really, 4 months where we really "tried." But it still sucks. I planned on being pregnant by the end of summer. Now the first 9-weeks of school is over and we're thinking of the holidays already. Depressing. I'm impatient and I hate that day when I know my period is supposed to arrive. I try not to but I always get my hopes up. Then to top it off, I'm off of birth-control (obviously) and that makes my periods feel like DEATH. I literally want to crawl up in a hole and scream in pain.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately of where I want to be in the next year and what I want to accomplish. Steve told me that I should have a one-year goal and try to stick to it. I keep wavering... but I think that my goal is one of two things: Teach at a new school or Change careers. Just in case finding a new school doesn't work out, I'm going to go on with my plans to take classes at UCF in January.

How I'm going to swing that while I'm going through all this other crap at school is BEYOND me right now. But somehow I will make it work.

Steve's off for the evening at his friends house playing video games, so I'm going to rest and try not to wallow in self-pity all evening.

The ache

I'm having major job stresses lately. Well, on top of the financial and emotional stress of being in a car wreck and having your identity stolen all in one week. I have literally been given the class from hell this year. Here's how my class looks this year:

• Four retained children. Two of them are nearing 10 years old. They give me major behavior problems because they are annoyed, bored, embarassed, rejected and depressed. One of them has been retained twice. Another missed the "cut-off" to pass to 4th grade by one or two questions.
• One special needs child that becomes violent at the drop of a hat. Had a desk thrown at me this week. Keeps me from teaching the other children with the behavior issues. There's a special school nearby for children like this. Because of bureaucratic CRAP, this child is being denied what they need.
• One child that cries (hysterically) every day for various reasons. Often won't calm down until I say, "Suck it UP!"
• Another child that refuses to look at me in the face, but will mumble disrespectful comments under his breath while I'm standing in front of him.
• "The Thief." So far have had the following stolen: dry-erase markers (on the first day of school!), pencils, a box of erasers, scotch tape, bookmarks, varous library books. To top it off, this student was caught cheating on their spelling test on Friday.
• "The Thug." Child that wears pants drooping down to the ankles pretty much. Refuses to do any work.

I could go on... but you get the picture. I have challenges. The child that throws furniture is the biggest challenge... but even if that child is removed from the picture... I still have my hands full. I enjoy teaching. But I've realized that with the demographic that I'm with, teaching consumes little of my time. I feel like I'm fighting against this current of negativity and resignation. Everyone at my school knows what the children are like and doesn't really expect much to change. We can change everything about our school (and we have in the past two years), but the children/families in our area will still be the same.

There will still be the chance that I get furniture thrown at me. Or that a parent threatens me. Or that the stress that I face at work will continue to make me sick. My job has been stressful from day one. I know that teaching is stressful and I knew that before I even started. What I cannot accept is the fact that I have to feel unsafe at school. There is no reason why I should even have to consider that I could get hurt at school. EVERYONE deserves the right to feel safe, respected, and supported at work.

I do not feel that this year and it scares me. It scares me to think that I maybe made a huge mistake to go into education.

It scares me to think that if I leave to pursue another career... I'll be labeled a failure, quitter, and one of those people that "just never seem to be happy..."

It scares me to think that my husband doesn't fully understand just how miserable I am right now.

It scares me to think that I might be nearing my breaking point and I just don't know what drastic steps I'll take.

Please pray that things will get better for me. Pray that there is some truth in those "cliche" statements that everyone throws out to you when you tell them your situation: Everything happens for a reason and if one door closes, another will open.

Now I can exhale...

Steve and I were in a pretty bad car accident today. Thankfully, we both came out mostly unscathed. I have a couple of pulled muscles in my neck/shoulder but that's pretty much it. We are both pretty shaken though. Thank you Lord for keeping us safe today.

We were not at fault... we were actually cut off by a car trying to make a left turn when they didn't have the right of way. The impact was pretty hard and we both were pretty scared when it happened. Both airbags deployed and when that happened it shot dust into our faces. The impact was so hard that my head snapped forward and I couldn't hear or see for a few seconds. It probably all transpired in 30 seconds from impact to the time the Steve was getting out of the car to help me... but in that instant it felt like it lasted forever. I was absolutely terrified. I've never been in a situation where I truly felt like I was in danger of being seriously hurt. I was so afraid for Steve. I felt relieved when I looked over and saw that he was awake and alert.

The paramedics strapped me to the board and took me into the hospital just to be safe. I have a lot of neck pain and I'm on some meds... but all in all I don't feel that terrible. I'm going to have a terrible bruise across my boobs. The seat belts really saved us from what could've been much worse.

Again, I am thinking of how God kept us safe today. That accident couldn't been much worse than it was.

My white Corolla is totalled... still waiting from the final word from Geico... but the odds are we'll be car shopping again in about a week.

What a bad run of luck I've been having lately!!!

Things that I despise

Okay, well I know before I abandoned blogging in the past month I was focusing on the positive. But I literally had the week from hell and I am allowed to wallow in self-pity for a bit.

- Feeling behind. Missing work for a week has left me completely overwhelmed. I haven't even gone back yet and my mind is spinning. I am going to need a super-sized Xanax by Monday at 3pm.

- Feeling helpless. I felt like a big bag o' crap all week long. I couldn't even get off the couch and clean my house which drove me crazy!

- Frustration. The kids that I teach leave me feeling frustrated for most of the day. How can I break through to them? Some days I feel like I am standing at the front of the class, waving my arms, screaming practically - all for nothing. They just don't get it. School is a drag and they don't care what I say... it'll never change their (or their family's for that matter) opinion.

It's been a while...

School started and I literally have not taken a moment for myself...

I'm just getting over strep throat (thought I had the H1N1 virus but that came back negative), and I missed a full week of school.

Anyone that is a teacher can tell you just how horribly stressful this is. I had three different substitutes in my room within five days... it's a mess.

I'm not looking forward to this coming week.

Things are just not coming together how I imagined. I feel like I have a tenuous hold on my class this year - like at any minute they are all going to go ape shit and run screaming out of the classroom. I know that this is me perceiving it through my perfectionist eyes... but it's stressful nonetheless.

Still not pregnant, but keeping my fingers crossed for this month.

The weird thing is that I don't feel that sense of urgency that I did back in June or July. It's like our "deadline" already passed... so at this point whenever it happens it happens.

Right now my life is just work and stress. Which probably explains why I just spent the past week sick out of my mind.

I need to get back into blogging and spending some time doing the things I love... or I'm going to burn out on this school year by October.

Grace in Small Things 10/365

It's been a while... but I definitely feel like I need to start this back up again. School has started and I'm exhausted and feeling the stress and pressure coming on. This year I'm more aware of it though... I'm really trying to manage it. Anyways... here goes!

1. This picture:

Make your own caption...

2. My husband bringing me roses yesterday to congratulate me on my first day of the 2009-2010 school year!

3. The promise of tapas and sangria tonight at Ceviche!

My hope

This year my goal is to be a more FUN teacher. It sounds simple but it's really a hard task with all the challenges and time constraints that we're faced with. They want teachers to teach in a box... do exactly as the other teachers are doing... and lose most of our creativity. One of the things that I love about teaching is the ability to be creative. The teachers that I remember the most from my school days are the ones who took teaching to the limit. They challenged us to be creative and never settled for less than our best.

My favorite teacher was my 5th grade teacher, Ms. Neuenschwander. She was fabulous! I remember doing a "Hall of Famous People" for Social Studies. We each picked a historical figure and acted out a small skit pretending to be them. I was Clara Barton. I dressed like she would've and my sister Jessica was my "patient." I still remember sitting on the stage and performing for the other students. I remember really learning about the characters that were represented. She made me love Social Studies. Up to this day, I am a history nerd.

When we were learning about money we did a "Checkbook Study." We each got old checkbooks and Ms. N set up a store in the classroom. We were allowed to shop daily as long as we filled out the checks properly. This is where I learned to fill out a check properly - in the 5th grade!

I want to thank her for instilling a love of learning and making me into the teacher I am (or will be).

My first two years teaching have been a transition for me. I've figured out the classroom management and the paperwork nightmare. This year I want to bring more of myself into the classroom. I want each and every child in my room to know that I care about them and I will not allow them to fail. I want them to see the magic that lies between the pages of a book. I want them to see that they are important to someone.

I love teaching.

Thanks for the memories

Looking at old pictures from my Delta Gamma days really makes me nostalgic. It is amazing how much has changed in the 4 years since I graduated. There were definitely ups and downs to being in a sorority. I didn't get along with everyone and there were some sisters that I never really had a conversation with. But I can tell you that it was all worth it for those few sisters that truly became my sisters.

I think that the hardest part of becoming an adult is seeing your friends grow and move on with their lives. Nothing stays the same. It's sad but inevitable.

The consolation is being able to look back on the sweetest times and feel your heart swell.

Pura Vida! - Part One

Arriving, Arenal and a Very Long Hike

I'm back from my lovely vacation in Costa Rica with lots of pictures, stories, and beautiful memories. My first impression of Costa Rica was that the people were extremely accomodating and friendly.
We arrived around 10:30pm on a Thursday night and were met outside the terminal by a very pleasant man holding a sign with my name. I felt like a VIP. They took us to the car rental agency where the friendly staffed filled us in on the details of our rental. We signed and headed out by 11. Our first attempt at driving (with me behind the wheel) was a little scary. Apparently red lights are optional for Costa Rican drivers at night. We put the GPS on to lead us to our hotel and it took us to the wrong hotel. After pulling over and getting my nerves collected, we finally managed to find a McDonald's to ask for directions. It just so happens that a bike messenger was headed in our direction and said we could follow him. It was just a block or so farther and we found our first hotel, Rincon del Valle. It was super cute and extremly cozy.


The next morning (after a lovely and free breakfast) we headed out on our first major driving experience to Arenal. Arenal is not really that far away from San Jose but it takes about 4 hours to drive there. A drive that distance in the states would only take 2 hours at the most. It's the quality of the roads that really make it a challenge. We had to take winding and sometimes unpaved roads pretty much the whole way. Thankfully we had pretty decent weather and a 4WD SUV, so it was easy going.



On the way to Arenal, we stopped in Zarcero. A small little blip on the map with an interesting looking church and some topiary gardens. We had hoped to find a public restroom but unfortunately the water had been our for three days in the city so we were out of luck. We got a few pretty pictures of the church and we were on our way.






The roads in Costa Rica weren't as bad as I imagined they would be. For the most part they were paved, and even the ones that weren't paved were pretty tightly packed dirt and easily drivable. We even got to drive through a few clouds.


Our hotel in Arenal was fabulous. It was about 19km from the tourist trap of La Fortuna. At first I was kind of disappointed that it wasn't on the main strip down there... but I grew to appreciate that fact. It was quiet and relaxing at the Tilajari Resort and we loved it.

View from our balcony

That first evening in Arenal, we decided to check out the hot springs. Because Arenal is situated at the base of an active volcano, there are numerous hot springs that you can visit. Before we went I did a little research. Most of them are overpriced and crowded. Some charge almost 100 bucks for a few hours (including dinner). I ran across a great review for Ecotermales, a family-operated hot spring that only allows a max of 100 people on the premises at a time. They space let in about 15-20 each hour so it rarely feels full. For $45 we got admission and a very large dinner. Ecotermales tends to fill up pretty quickly during the high-season, so if you plan on going there definitely book in advance. If they're full there's also Tabacon or Baldi springs - but both have no limit on the number of guests they'll let in. They are more expensive and you won't get that intimate and relaxing feel like we did at Ecotermales.

This is where we had dinner. They served us rice, beans, grilled fish, tortilla, salad and dessert! I almost sunk to the bottom of the hot spring after eating.

Ecotermales was really one of the most gorgeous and serene places I've ever been. They have a large pool that's divided into different areas depending on the temperature of the water. There's also a couple of bars and you order drinks based on the "honor system" - just let them know how many at the front desk when you leave.

It was a great way to start off our trip. We drank a bit, laughed and toasted to the amazing week we just knew we had ahead of us. I joked around with Tara and Shelly and told them that when I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed at work I'm going to think of Ecotermales and how incredible it felt to relax like that. For someone who is so tightly wound and stressed all the time... it was absolute heaven.

The next day, we decided to go into La Fortuna pretty early and book a horseback riding excursion. It was a 4 hour trip through the hills around the base of the Arenal Volcano eventually ending with a swim in the La Fortuna waterfall! But first... while we were waiting for the trip to leave we spent some time fooling around in La Fortuna. We found this man with some snakes and I decided that I wanted to play with them. Wow, that sounded wrong. I wanted to play with a man's snake. lol

The snake seemed pretty pleasant at first... and then it started to cozy up to my neck. Then the lovely man decides to inform me that it's a Boa Constrictor. I had to yell at the guy to take the damn thing off of me before it strangled me.

Finally it was time for our horseback riding trip! The first thing I noticed was that our horses were looking a little rough around the edges. Not happy and plump horses like the ones I rode in Jamaica. I kept hoping the poor thing wouldn't collapse with my vacation-plump ass on top of it.

We rode for about an hour and then arrived at a lookout where we could see the La Fortuna waterfall in the distance. It was gorgeous and surreal. Here I was standing in the middle of the cloud forest in Costa Rica. And I had ridden a horse to get there! Who would've thought this city girl could do that!

After spending a few minutes at the lookout it was time to make the hike down to the waterfall and go swimming. When we booked the tour they told us that it was an 100m hike from where we left the horses to the waterfall. LIAR! It was more like a kilometer. Which is close... but you have to factor in that we were literally descending the side of a mountain. The ground was uneven and trecherous. And there was this little hanging bridge that terrified my travel mates. This was the first of many ocassions during this trip where I thanked god for my lack of fear of heights.


We had a little guide dog taking us down the mountain. He was absolutely precious and probably the happiest dog I've ever seen. His name was Dolar and I wanted to steal him and take him home to play with my puppies.


After an exhausting hike down, we made it! Totally worth it. The water was refreshing (COLD!) and beautiful. I jumped right in and cooled off. Another surreal experience. We took some pictures and hopped out to start our hike up the mountain. I discovered that if I ran up the path it made it less painful and quick. Once we reached up top we were honestly ready to get on those horses and call it a day. The guide asked us if we'd like to stop by a Maleku indian village on the way back. Despite our exhaustion, we all agreed that we shouldn't pass it up!





They told us a little bit about their tribe and served us a drink made from fermented corn. It was delicious! They had some handmade crafts and we did a little shopping and hopped back on our horses. By the time we arrived back in La Fortuna, I think we were all ready to collapse from exhaustion.

We called it a night back at the Tilajari and got ready to depart to Monteverde for part 2 of our fabulous adventure. I will get into that in another post... coming soon!

Birth & Pregnancy

Today I went to Heart2Heart Birthing Center for a preconception consult and tour. My lovely friend Briana joined me and we asked them about 100 questions. I LOVED IT. The midwives were amazing and the facilities were precious! They answered all of my questions and I'm going back in a couple of weeks for a well woman visit. They're going to test my estrogen and progestin levels and give me a physical. Just to make sure that all is well.

The thing I liked the best about the birthing center and the midwives was that their mission is to educate you and make you an active part of your pregnancy & birth. You might say - "Of course you're an active part of your pregnancy & birth - IT'S YOURS!" This is not the case though. In hospitals the doctor makes all the decisions and sometimes their decisions are not done in your best interest. I want to have my baby without being in a drug induced fog. I want to only have a c-section is I need it and I want to know that my doctor is looking out for ME instead of trying to fit my birth experience into his busy schedule.

I'll get off my soapbox now. But seriously, if you do the research you'll see that the US has the highest instance of c-sections in the world. Also, Florida has a 30-something-percent c-section rate. The main hospital in Orlando for women and babies has a 53% c-section rate. My midwife/birthing center: 6%.

Okay, I'm done for real now.

Costa Rica blog post still in progress. I just got Shelly's pictures... still waiting on Tara's and I want to add their perspectives in before I post. Also, we did A LOT and this week has been extremely hectic and hard to find time to sit down and reflect the way I want to.

Grace in Small Things 9/365

Still working on a super long post about Costa Rica (including pictures). Should be up by the end of the week!

For now I will resume my GIST...

1. Sweet by Miss Holly - delectable, fun, and HUGE gourmet cupcakes. I have been there a few times. I limit myself to one cupcake every few months and visit frequently for their Tart Frozen Yogurt. Today I had their Marble cupcake. It was so soft and scrumptious! For a dollar you can get a glass of frosty 2% milk to go with it. Which brings me to number 2...

2. ICE COLD Milk. I love my milk nearly freezing. Sometimes I add ice cubes but it just doesn't do it right. At Sweet, they have a frosty milk dispenser. I want one in my house.

3. Having my classroom set up for the new school year a couple of weeks in advance. I will actually use preplanning to plan my curriculum this year! Instead of moving furniture and organizing! YAY!

4. Steve and I have decided that we're going to use a midwife and birthing center to have our baby. We found Heart 2 Heart Birthing Center in Sanford and I'm going to visit on Wednesday. It looks amazing and I'm totally excited about going for my preconception appt.

Grace in Small Things 8/365

I will be on hiatus after tonight... as I will be off on my Costa Rican adventure!

1. The Dessert Lady - decadent, delicious, divine. I met with my book club there tonight and we got a couple of their sampler platters. Three words: Coconut Brulee Cheesecake. HEAVEN!

2. My book club! I met some awesome people at the first book club I was a part of and we decided to branch off and start our own. I love the chats we have and it's great to have met some amazing friends here in Orlando.

3. Getting some help for my anxiety. I know that it's becoming a problem and it's a huge weight lifted off of me to know that I'll be able to talk to someone about it.

4. Anthony Bourdain. This man is my hero. Not only does he travel like a maniac - he drinks like a fish and eats like a pig. He makes Samantha Brown look like a damn wimp. I want to go on a trip with him and drink and eat myself into oblivion.

Grace in Small Things 7/365

Woohoo! A full week of appreciating the little things in my life. I haven't really written much of substance lately, because life has been pretty mundane. Steve and I didn't conceive this month. I thought about writing about that... but it makes me sad and I know that there's another chance coming up soon. I'll obsess about it later. Off to the little joys of my day...

1. This picture makes me happy. I love the Jacob-Bella-Edward "love-triangle." And I love Jacob. I know this makes me a teeny-bopper and the dude that plays Jacob is like 12. Love his character though.

2. Downloading all of The Fray's songs today. I really love them. Especially, "Never Say Never."

3. Wrestling with my hubby on the couch because he was being a punk.

4. These muffins that I made. Coconut + Blueberry + Macadamia Nuts = HEAVEN!

Grace in Small Things 6/365

Having a hard time finding something GREAT about today... for some reason all I seem able to focus on is the frustrations I had (bickering w/the hubby... the extremely stupid cashier at Wal-Mart...). I am going to TRY though.

1. The Harry Potter series. Just saw The Half-Blood Prince and it was great.

2. Simply Orange juice with Mango. De-li-ci-ous.

3. Making Oven-Baked Fried Chicken & Sweet Potato Fries for dinner - SUPER YUM.

4. A wonderful evening with my family in CityWalk.

Grace in Small Things 5/365

1. 4 days until Costa Rica - I can't believe it's here already.

2. Spending the day at Universal with my parents and sister. It was EXTREMELY hot, but I laughed pretty much all day. I'm exhausted and content.

3. Mango Margarita's from Margaritaville - divine!

4. Getting HD channels for my big flipping TV.

5. Chinese Laundry shoes - they have the most comfortable and cute shoes. I am not a heel person, but for some reason I am able to walk in their shoes. I love them!

Grace in Small Things 4/365

1. Little Maya dog and her overwhelming cuteness:

2. Lunch with my cute little husbie at Relax Grill at Lake Eola.

3. Buying a new planner and feeling organized.

4. Seeing my parents down at Universal tonight! (Possible some Rising Star karaoke?)

Grace in Small Things 3/365

1. Sitting by the St. John's River in Sanford and reading my book.

2. Playing Final Fantasy XII on my big arse TV. Yes, I play video games.

3. The gorgeous crepe myrtle in front of my house and it's hot-pink blooms.

4. My family in town this weekend!

5. Finding a pair of Ann Taylor pants that fit perfectly at my fave consignment shop.

Grace in Small Things 2/365

1. An 8:30am walk around the neighborhood with my pooches.

2. Mickey D's Sweet Tea. Sidebar: I hate McDonald's with the fire of a thousand suns. I haven't eaten there in like 2 years and the last time was just for the sausage biscuit and because I was desperate. But their sweet tea is delicious. And probabaly has about eight gazillion calories.

3. Making two delightful little floral arrangements for my front window.

4. Gym workout with my husband for an hour.

5. Peppering my DK Eyewitness guide for Costa Rica with sticky-note "to-do" lists and post-it tabs. And DK Eyewitness guides - these things are the BEST.

Maybe next time?

So this is how it's going to be I guess until I see that plus sign. "Period Day" will arrive and I'll spend all day wondering when the damn thing is gonna arrive. Today I felt pretty good... no cramps... and then I got a headache, backache and I started to spot.

Disappointment numero quatro. Blech.

I'm going to try and see the GRACE in this situation. At least I know that I am regular. To. The. Day. I knew it was supposed to come today, and it did. This makes planning a lot easier. Another plus - I won't be traveling to Costa Rica pregnant. That made me a little nervous.

Also, next month is really the last month where we should keep trying - because if we want to have our baby in the late spring/summer 2010, it lines up just perfectly.

I think Steve and I are pretty sure that we're not going to stop trying until it happens though. Even if the timing doesn't line up how we wanted it... we're just gonna go with the flow!

Well, I'm going to try and quell my disappointment and anxiety by going shopping for my Costa Rica trip.

Grace in Small Things 1/365

I got this idea from Jaime and I thought it was a great idea. Sometimes the stress makes me overlook the good that surrounds me.

1. Finishing up the first season of Tru Blood. (and Sam Merlotte and his yummy little self)
2. My mom calling to tell me that she loves the way we're fixing up our house.
3. Painting the cabinets all by myself.
4. The Book Thief - quite possibly one of the best books I've ever read. Absolutely beautiful.

The City of Brotherly Love, Take 2

I love me some Philadelphia. Last year I got the quick two-day version... this year I spent a little more time, and totally loved it. It's such a colorful, lively and interesting city. There's so many different things to eat, neighborhoods to explore and interesting people around. I can't wait 'til my next visit.


We started off the weekend right with a mission to solve one of the great foodie debates of the century - Geno's or Pat's?

We started out by going to the "flashier" of the two, Genos. After briefly studying the menu (gotta get that lingo down... "Wit'?") ordered a cheesesteak with provolone. Jaime ordered some fries and we all sat down to check it out. First thought: This is kinda dry. I wish we had ordered it with Cheez Wiz- apparently the only way to truly experience a cheesesteak. Jaime was less than pleased with her fries. They were kinda like the Ore-Ida fries you find in the freezer section. Geno's was covered with pictures and autographs from every celebrity imaginable, so that was pretty cool.

Anyways, after that we crossed the street to Pat's for a more subtle and quiet take on the Philly staple. This time we ordered it "wit" (onions) and slathered in Cheez Wiz (is that even made of cheese?). It was served to us oozing with the neon yellow deliciousness.

It was immediately clear who was the winner. The actual meat on Pat's cheesesteaks was softer, juicier and definitely tastier. The bread was better and even the fries were deemed much better by Jaime. We had a winner!

After stuffing our faces to our hearts content, we hobbled over to downtown Philly and hopped on the subway. I get such a kick out of riding the subway, so I was stoked. This was shortlived however, when I realized that Philly's subway pretty much smells like urine. I kinda think that it's not a coincidence that SEPTA sounds just like SEPTIC. I still got a small kick out of it because it reminded me of my times traveling in Europe.

Our next stop was the disturbingly graphic Mutter Museum of Medical Oddities! I'd seen this place in my Weird US book and knew I had to make a stop. No pictures were allowed so all you get is the sign.



The place was stuffed with all kinda of gory and graphic medical stuff, i.e. a man's colon that was bigger than my body, a "collection" of skulls with bullet holes in them, a shrunken head, a burnt penis. Yeah, really weird crap. It was interesting, but after about 2 hours of looking at deformed baby fetuses in jars, I was ready to go.

I got to see some things of historical significance this time. Last time, I was a bad little traveler and bypassed most of the historical goodies. I tend to lean towards the weird instead of museums and such... (Have I ever written about how I bypassed the Louvre to go to the underground catacombs in Paris?)

One of my favorite parts of the day we spent in Philly was when we found this little hole-in-the-wall bar and spent a couple of hours playing pool, darts and drinking beer. Oh, and blaring music on the jukebox upstairs. We had a whole room to ourselves and it was good times. It made me realize why I love these people so much. Because I can act completely retarded and they still love me. And they act retarded with me.

On our last day in PA, I had the weird idea to search for a winery in the area. See, I had this great experience visiting a winery in Starlight, Indiana when I was staying in Louisville, KY last year and I discovered that there are wineries just about everywhere. Little, family-run, adorable places. So I went online and found this little gem. Check out their website, it is sarcastic and clever and awesome. So we piled in the car and headed to check it out.

Va La was gorgeous. It was in the middle of Avondale, a picturesque little town. There's farm houses, cute shops and rolling hills. Love it!

Jaime, Dan, Steve and I payed 10 bucks and got a sampling of four different handcrafted wines and cheeses. It was delicious and so much fun. They also had semolina bread and homemade olive oils around that you could dip while you drank. We took our last glass of wine outside and enjoyed the scenery. What a beautiful location. Who would've thought! Southeastern PA Wine country, whadya know.

We ended the weekend by going to a BYOB sports bar and watching the Magic game. BYOB sports bar! What a great concept. We got a bunch of wings and watched the game while drinking an assortment of different beers.


All in all, it was a wonderful trip. We made tons of amazing memories and everytime I hear "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies I'll be taken back to those hours we spent at that seedy little bar playing pool and laughing our asses off. I love my friends and I can't wait 'til Philly Take 3!