Calling in the professionals...

So I broke down and made an appt. to see the gyno next week about my pregnancy concerns. I felt silly and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but after 9 months and 2 months without ovulating I'm starting to get a little antsy. Steve thinks I should wait for a year to come before going to the doctor... but I don't see the issue with going now. If I was getting my double stripes on the ovulation tests then I'd know everything was alright. But obviously something is off....

It is incredible how invigorated and rested I feel after only one day on vacation. Just knowing that I don't have to go to work tomorrow lifts this huge weight from my shoulders. It's not that I hate my job... I love working with children. It's just the extreme stress that I'm subjected to each day is really taking a toll on me physically. For the first time in weeks, I woke up feeling energized. I actually didn't get a headache today either. Which is a miracle in itself since I get headaches daily.

Needless to say, I really needed this vacation.

We don't really have anything major planned over the break. Sometimes I wish that Steve had become a teacher as he originally planned so that we'd have vacations together. I can't complain though... he has a really great job.

Baby frustration has been mounting in the past couple of months and as the new year approaches I feel even more frustrated. I figured I'd have a little munchkin of my own by this point... or at least be pretty far in my pregnancy. I was late by 3 days this time and I thought I might be pregnant. Instead, I woke up on Sunday with the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. I ended up downing a huge painkiller and spending Sunday in a drug-induced haze of self pity. Not fun.

For the first time in years, Steve and I aren't going to have to drive down to West Palm and up to Ocala within a few days. WOOHOO! We love our parents, but the traveling is starting to get a little old. This Christmas we're celebrating at my sister's house here in Orlando and then driving up to Ocala. Can't wait! I am in a little shock that this year's coming to a close. Wow... 2009, you generally sucked. Heh.

Anyways, long "2009 Recap" post to come...! Happy Holidays everyone.

TMI

I hate to get my hopes up every month, but I'm praying that this is the month we finally make baby Heydorn. It's been 8 months of trying now. I never expected that it would take this long. I'm scared shitless that one-year is going to roll around and no baby.

I'm apparently not as fertile as I thought. I haven't ovulated in 2 months or so... which makes getting pregnant really damn difficult.

Anyways, just keep your prayers with us and hopefully this will be it!

Grace in Small Things 14/365

1. My husband making an appetizer dinner for us tonite. Hummus, pita, veggies, cold-cuts... yum.

2. This picture:

3. Feeling hope for the next few months. I haven't felt very optimistic in a long time. It's a good feeling!

4. Jaime coming into town in a few weeks! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

Breathe

It's really hard for me to accept sometimes that I don't have to have the whole next few years of my life planned out completely. It's hard for me to let go and just BREATHE. Stress is ruining my health at the age of 27. It is time for me to make some major changes or I'm going to have major medical problems by the age of 40.

Steve said that I'm much nicer when I'm home in West Palm. I told him that the main reason is that I'm away from work. My job has turned me into a person that I am not proud of. I chew my nails down to the quick and my stomach is constantly in knots. This constant assault on my body that stress is causing is making me ill.

I made some deadlines and goals for myself for the next 6 months or so. I figured that typing everything up and keeping it somewhere visible would be a good plan. That way I don't have any excuses and I can't forget.

Also, I keep thinking about Einstein's definition of insanity. I always joke that my job is making me insane. Well here's the definition: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Well I've been doing the same thing for three years and expecting things to change and improve and they haven't. So I'm going to have the make the change happen myself.

Just some heavy thoughts for the evening.

To lighten the mood:

Here's a couples of "teasers" from our Trash the Dress photo session with the best photographers in the world! I'll be posting more once I get the disc with all the pics.

Thanksgiving 2009

It is great to be home and spending time with my family. Ate a huge amount of food yesterday and did some major shopping today. Good times!

Grace in Small Things 13/365

1. http://www.bubbalous.com/ - Bubbalou's Bodacious BBQ for dinner. It's got three dancing pigs on the sign. You can get a dish called the "Big Big Pig." How classy can you possibly get! De-li-c-ious!

2. Finding a new gym that has ZUMBA classes. Never heard of Zumba, but after watching for a few minutes I've come to the conclusion that it includes people shaking their arses to Middle Eastern music. I like.

3. Cute little student of mine being my little helper today because I wasn't feeling well. Said student organized the computer area, chairs and then came up to me and asked - "Is there anything else I can help you with Mrs. Heydorn?" Too cute!

4.

Special on National Geographic about the Appalachian Trail. Now I am by no means a nature/outdoorsy person... but this really looked beautiful. Apparently it stretches from Georgia to Maine and people spend 5-6 months hiking the whole length of it. That seems really scary to me... but on the other hand, I can understand why someone would want to experience something like that. My idea of going backpacking is taking the Eurorail through Western Europe. Not as daring but definitely just as exciting!