I've been having a pretty rough time about everything lately. My appointment is next Thursday to get my prescription for the medication (Femara) and the injections (HsG shots I think?). Even though I've been extremely busy with school, this situation is always lurking in the back of my mind.
I think about the whole process and how long it's been since Steve and I sat at this table I'm sitting at right now... "negotiating" on when it would be a good time to have a baby. I wanted to start immediately (Fall 2008) and he wanted to wait until the next year. So we met halfway, and decided that I'd stop the Pill in Feb. 2009 and we'd start shortly after. I can't believe that was three years ago.
It's just one of those things that you always assume your body will be able to do. Stop the Pill, try for a few months, and just like magic... there's that positive pregnancy test. When it doesn't happen for you... over... and over... and over... you find that every month just gets harder and harder. No matter how much I try to be prepared for a let down at the end of a cycle, I always get my heart broken.
Last week, a friend of mine announced her pregnancy to me. It was shocking... mostly, because she tried ONCE. Yes. Once. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have experienced something like that instead. Our child would be two years old by now. Unfortunately, that's not the way things turned out for me.
I get tired of everyone saying that "it will happen when it's meant to be!" How about the one-night stands that get pregnant? Those are meant to be? Doesn't make sense. I have a loving husband, a good home, a good family, I can afford a child, etc. I seem to have it all in line, but for some reason that one thing I want is missing.
Whew... I feel better now that I got that all out. Back to work. =\
