I originally started this journal as a travel journal... but then I realized that journeys don't only have to be physical. I've been on a journey for the past few years, ever since I finished college. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm headed. I wish I had the time to sit down and revisit some of the trips I've taken and add them here, but it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon. For now, my ordinary life will have to suffice.
I've been an angry little troll lately. For the past few nights I just had this awful anxiety and negativity hovering around me. I felt like strangling everyone near me and just crawling up in bed. Being unable to get around on my own is definitely causing this. I also feel very helpless in my career right now. I've been told that I won't have my teaching contract renewed because I'm on an annual teaching contract. Without going into all the technicalities... I'm basically out of luck because I've been teaching under three years. This happened last year also. I could cross my fingers and hope that I get rehired. I know that my principal would try her best to keep me if she could. The unfortunate circumstances are that she has little to no say in it. Budget cuts are a bitch...
I can't stand the uncertainty. I went through this last year and I won't go through it again. If I get rehired, I'm sure that this budget crisis will not be resolved come the 2010-11 school year, so I will have to face it again. I am considering other employment options right now. I want to start a family. I can't do it until I know that I have a stable career.
The heartbreaking part of it is that I am actually a pretty good teacher. My kids are learning, my classroom environment is great, and I enjoy working with kids. Sadly, these things are not enough. I need to be able to better my life and to start a family with my husband.
So these are the reasons I've been an angry little troll. Blech.
I felt a little better being able to drive to work today and I'm hoping that things start to look up on the career front.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach
One of the teacher's in my county submitted this to the Orlando Sentinel. Music has always been such an amazing part of my life. I loved being in band, I loved making music. I can't imagine my high school experience being nearly as good without music playing such an integral part of it. In light of all the budget cuts and programs being taken away as a result...I thought it was really great. I don't know this teacher personally, but I admire her writing and I hope that she wouldn't mine me posting this here:
As I watched the inauguration yesterday, I was struck by something in addition to the historical significance of the event. When it comes to the highest degree of ceremony in our land, we turn to that which is often the first to be on the chopping block in tough financial times: the arts. There was singing, poetry, an ensemble of some of the most talented and accomplished instrumental solo artists in the world, discussion of the particular painting featured at the luncheon, grand marches played by a band. Because great societies are often measured by their progress in the arts, we seem to understand intrinsically that these things belong, yet we are often unwilling as a society to preserve them in our education system. For every artist who blessed the nation with their gift yesterday, there was someone who had initially recognized their talent, nurtured it, guided its technical preparation, encouraged its development. Someone introduced Yo-Yo Ma to the cello, and put Aretha Franklin on a stage. These things do not just happen by accident.
The next time you hear the flippant suggestion to cut the arts out of the schools because it’s “nice, but not necessary,” imagine yesterday without the arts… a walk to a podium, an oath, a speech, a walk to whatever comes next… no parades, no balls. Imagine the band members who played “Hail to the Chief,” told in middle school that music would not be offered in their school any more. Imagine if Itzhak Perlman never held a violin. Imagine the featured choir given over to the directorship of someone with no vocal training because the chorus position was cut. These things are happening every day, and someday we may be faced with a quickie courthouse ceremony rather than royal pomp and circumstance befitting a presidential inauguration. Think about it.
Jennifer Erickson
Orange County Public School Teacher
As I watched the inauguration yesterday, I was struck by something in addition to the historical significance of the event. When it comes to the highest degree of ceremony in our land, we turn to that which is often the first to be on the chopping block in tough financial times: the arts. There was singing, poetry, an ensemble of some of the most talented and accomplished instrumental solo artists in the world, discussion of the particular painting featured at the luncheon, grand marches played by a band. Because great societies are often measured by their progress in the arts, we seem to understand intrinsically that these things belong, yet we are often unwilling as a society to preserve them in our education system. For every artist who blessed the nation with their gift yesterday, there was someone who had initially recognized their talent, nurtured it, guided its technical preparation, encouraged its development. Someone introduced Yo-Yo Ma to the cello, and put Aretha Franklin on a stage. These things do not just happen by accident.
The next time you hear the flippant suggestion to cut the arts out of the schools because it’s “nice, but not necessary,” imagine yesterday without the arts… a walk to a podium, an oath, a speech, a walk to whatever comes next… no parades, no balls. Imagine the band members who played “Hail to the Chief,” told in middle school that music would not be offered in their school any more. Imagine if Itzhak Perlman never held a violin. Imagine the featured choir given over to the directorship of someone with no vocal training because the chorus position was cut. These things are happening every day, and someday we may be faced with a quickie courthouse ceremony rather than royal pomp and circumstance befitting a presidential inauguration. Think about it.
Jennifer Erickson
Orange County Public School Teacher
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
On another note...
Pregnancy update: I have a week left of birth control. I'm betting I'll be pregnant by March. Steve says April/May. Ovaries don't fail me now!
Gimpy McGimp
Yesterday was not a good day. It started out at 7am with a dentist appointment to remove a cracked crown in my tooth. By 11am my whole face was numb and my mouth was sore. I figured that with a day that starts like that, it really could only improve. Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Now, I am a true klutz. I seem to have this real problem avoiding door knobs and the corners of tables. I don't even pay attention to bruises anymore because I have so many. Despite this, for some reason I thought it would be smart to go to this place: http://www.rebounderz.com/default.cfm?firstvisit=yes
It's basically a warehouse covered in trampolines. From the floors to the walls. You get a helmet and some special shoes and you can bounce around like an idiot. Things started off pretty rough for me. I almost fell walking in and during the five-minute "training" I fell on my arse numerous times. About 10 minutes into my foray into gymnastics... I fell HARD. I immediately knew something was wrong because there was an audible POP.
I tried to play it off becuase I felt stupid. Everyone else was jumping around and having a great time. I stood up and brushed it off and even tried jumping a little bit. I sat down and about 10 minutes later, the pain hit me. I could barely walk out of the place. A few hours later we were sitting at the Urgent Care clinic and they told me that I broke a bone in the top of my foot.
I'm on crutches and in a cast for about a month. Good times.
The worst part is that it's my right foot, so I can't drive. I'm tempted to try driving with my left foot, but my better judgement tells me this is probably a bad idea. I also teach... so sitting down all day is not an option. I took the day off, but tomorrow it's back to the grind and I am terrified! The worse part of being injured or sick for me is feeling helpless. I hate having to depend on others and I hate not being able to do what I need to do!
Oh it's going to be a fabulous month.
Now, I am a true klutz. I seem to have this real problem avoiding door knobs and the corners of tables. I don't even pay attention to bruises anymore because I have so many. Despite this, for some reason I thought it would be smart to go to this place: http://www.rebounderz.com/default.cfm?firstvisit=yes
It's basically a warehouse covered in trampolines. From the floors to the walls. You get a helmet and some special shoes and you can bounce around like an idiot. Things started off pretty rough for me. I almost fell walking in and during the five-minute "training" I fell on my arse numerous times. About 10 minutes into my foray into gymnastics... I fell HARD. I immediately knew something was wrong because there was an audible POP.
I tried to play it off becuase I felt stupid. Everyone else was jumping around and having a great time. I stood up and brushed it off and even tried jumping a little bit. I sat down and about 10 minutes later, the pain hit me. I could barely walk out of the place. A few hours later we were sitting at the Urgent Care clinic and they told me that I broke a bone in the top of my foot.
I'm on crutches and in a cast for about a month. Good times.
The worst part is that it's my right foot, so I can't drive. I'm tempted to try driving with my left foot, but my better judgement tells me this is probably a bad idea. I also teach... so sitting down all day is not an option. I took the day off, but tomorrow it's back to the grind and I am terrified! The worse part of being injured or sick for me is feeling helpless. I hate having to depend on others and I hate not being able to do what I need to do!
Oh it's going to be a fabulous month.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Adios 2008
Taken from the El Jay...
So for my annual New Years Eve post...Steve and I both agree that 2008 was one of the most challenging years we've ever had (both individually and as a couple) and we are looking forward to 2009 because we know that many great things are going to come our way.
2008, a recap: 2008 started out pretty positively for me at work, I started to feel comfortable as a teacher and my administration started to recognize me for the work I was doing. There was a lot of stress in the spring because I thought I might lose my job due to budget cuts. I took a lot of classes and got my ESOL certification. 2008 was a stressful and busy year for my career.
In February, Steve started working with Tile USA in what we hoped would be a career that would help us to acheive some of our dreams. Unfortunately, the economy went to hell and his job went along with it. Things never looked up with Tile USA and we spent probably the next 6 months fighting over him finding a new job. Finally in November, he got an interview and starts his new job in a few days.
Around March, Steve and I decided that we wanted to have a family sooner than we had originally thought. We started planning towards that... but it turns out that things just weren't ready financially. By the summer, Steve basically told me he wasn't ready and I knew deep down that we couldn't afford a baby. Plans off...
The summer was the definite low of 2008. In the beginning of July, Steve's older brother tried to commit suicide twice. It was a combination of things that lead him to it, but mostly his f-ed up marriage. After his recovery, he came to live with us. He was extremely difficult to live with and despite all the horrible stories he told us about living with his wife, he ended up going back to her and calling off the divorce. He also cut off his family in the process. BAD summer.
The new school year started in August and for a few months there I actually thought that this year would be a breeze. EHH wrong again. We got a new principal and with that came a plethora of new responsibilities. My school is on the verge of being "restructured" by the Dept. of Education. BAD stuff going on at school.
The whole year I debated between switching careers, moving, getting up and running off to a foreign country.... this whole being an adult thing is a hard adjustment to make. Even though I was married in 2007, 2008 was the year I truly adjusted to being married. It's not all sunshine and fairy tales kids. When normal life hits you and the honeymoon phase wears off, you really have to work to keep your marriage working. I am happy to say, that Steve and I are ending 2008 on a positive note and more in love than before.
Now the year is over and we've decided to start a family. Steve is more than on board now. We are doing OKAY. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be. We have two dogs that we love like children. We have a lot of love to give to a child.
If I have to make any resolutions for 2009, one of the main ones would definitely be to stop worrying so much. To realize that life doesn't have a set plan for anyone. I don't have to have the next 5 years of my life planned out down to the last detail. I can have a family and still pursue another career. The only limits that exist are the ones that I place there for myself. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be exactly what we wanted (even though we didn't know it at the time).
2009 will be the year that I become a mother.
2009 might be the year that I change careers.
2009 will be the year that we change the place that we live into a true home.
There are a lot of expectations that we have for this year, but I just know that things will look up from where they were at this time a year ago. Happy New Years EVERYONE! ♥
So for my annual New Years Eve post...Steve and I both agree that 2008 was one of the most challenging years we've ever had (both individually and as a couple) and we are looking forward to 2009 because we know that many great things are going to come our way.
2008, a recap: 2008 started out pretty positively for me at work, I started to feel comfortable as a teacher and my administration started to recognize me for the work I was doing. There was a lot of stress in the spring because I thought I might lose my job due to budget cuts. I took a lot of classes and got my ESOL certification. 2008 was a stressful and busy year for my career.
In February, Steve started working with Tile USA in what we hoped would be a career that would help us to acheive some of our dreams. Unfortunately, the economy went to hell and his job went along with it. Things never looked up with Tile USA and we spent probably the next 6 months fighting over him finding a new job. Finally in November, he got an interview and starts his new job in a few days.
Around March, Steve and I decided that we wanted to have a family sooner than we had originally thought. We started planning towards that... but it turns out that things just weren't ready financially. By the summer, Steve basically told me he wasn't ready and I knew deep down that we couldn't afford a baby. Plans off...
The summer was the definite low of 2008. In the beginning of July, Steve's older brother tried to commit suicide twice. It was a combination of things that lead him to it, but mostly his f-ed up marriage. After his recovery, he came to live with us. He was extremely difficult to live with and despite all the horrible stories he told us about living with his wife, he ended up going back to her and calling off the divorce. He also cut off his family in the process. BAD summer.
The new school year started in August and for a few months there I actually thought that this year would be a breeze. EHH wrong again. We got a new principal and with that came a plethora of new responsibilities. My school is on the verge of being "restructured" by the Dept. of Education. BAD stuff going on at school.
The whole year I debated between switching careers, moving, getting up and running off to a foreign country.... this whole being an adult thing is a hard adjustment to make. Even though I was married in 2007, 2008 was the year I truly adjusted to being married. It's not all sunshine and fairy tales kids. When normal life hits you and the honeymoon phase wears off, you really have to work to keep your marriage working. I am happy to say, that Steve and I are ending 2008 on a positive note and more in love than before.
Now the year is over and we've decided to start a family. Steve is more than on board now. We are doing OKAY. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be. We have two dogs that we love like children. We have a lot of love to give to a child.
If I have to make any resolutions for 2009, one of the main ones would definitely be to stop worrying so much. To realize that life doesn't have a set plan for anyone. I don't have to have the next 5 years of my life planned out down to the last detail. I can have a family and still pursue another career. The only limits that exist are the ones that I place there for myself. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be exactly what we wanted (even though we didn't know it at the time).
2009 will be the year that I become a mother.
2009 might be the year that I change careers.
2009 will be the year that we change the place that we live into a true home.
There are a lot of expectations that we have for this year, but I just know that things will look up from where they were at this time a year ago. Happy New Years EVERYONE! ♥
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