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P.S. Steve is totally cool with me going to Spain this summer. I submitted my application to the Pueblo Ingles program today... fingers crossed!

Goodbye 26

In about 30 minutes, it will officially be my birthday.

I have mixed feelings about this.

Also, I am a little bit drunk right now... so I don't know how coherent this post is going to be... but ahh well.

I have mixed feelings about this because I am glad of where I've come. I've done a lot since college, I've really figured out who I am, I've worked hard and established a career.

I'm sad because I haven't accomplished anywhere near what I expected I'd accomplish at this point.

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of being a kid and an adult. I'm not ready to throw myself head-on into adulthood... mortgages, babies, bills, etc etc... but yet I'm not in the college mentality anymore. I'm stuck in that awful limbo that is the mid-twenties. Although, technically I've just left my mid-twenties behind. *sigh*

This year I want to:

Travel to Spain
Read 50 books
Write a song
Sing in public
Get another tattoo
Paint a picture
Sell my cards/invites on the internet
Learn how to bake a wedding cake
Work on my book
Meet 5 new friends
Speak more Spanish
Paint my house
Run in at least 2 5Ks

I could continue adding to this list... but these are the things that come to mind first in my inebriated state.

Life is too short to settle on, "I guess this is OK." I need to start feeling that passion that I used to feel. I need to start taking risks again and living the way that gives me butterflies in my stomach. I have it in me. I need to just LIVE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Crazy Summer

I'm thinking of doing something crazy this summer. Let me lead you through my train of thought here...

I'm on Spring Break right now from school and I'm really enjoying the free time to just reflect and relax. I spent the day wandering the stores and stopping for lunch and coffee. I'm reading a lot and I just feel at peace. Doing things alone doesn't bother me at all. It's kinda fun for me every now and then to feel independent.

So as I was having lunch I was thinking of how one of the main perks of being a teacher is having a whole summer free. Free summer = lots of travel opportunities. Last summer was difficult. Lots of classes to take, credits to catch up on, and a TON of family drama. This summer promises to be much more relaxing. Steve and I are trying to time me getting pregnant. We figure late July or August. Next summer ('10) I will either be really pregnant or with a new baby. So this summer is my last hurrah of freedom.

A friend of mine participated in this program: http://puebloingles.com. You show up in Madrid and they transport you to a small town outside of the city where business people and students go to practice English. You are provided free lodging and all three meals as well as cultural activities. My friend did it twice and he LOVED it. The only thing I'd have to pay for is my transport to Spain and any extra days I spent in the city.

I applied to see what I am offered... but here's my dilemma.

I feel completely selfish for wanting to do this. I know that Steve won't be able to come with me. I know that he would never tell me not to go, but he would definitely feel some resentment towards me for going. I could probably make the whole thing happen for under $1000 bucks... but still. I'd feel really selfish for doing it. I'm going to talk to him about it today and see what he thinks.

Croatia

It totally enrages me that Bridget from the Girls Next Door gets to go to one of my top ten destinations in the world.

How do these bimbos actually get their own television shows? I am going to have a rage blackout.

Another great one

You all know how ridiculously obsessed I am with Twilight. Well I think I actually found another young adult book that I like better. Yes, I know that I am way to old to be reading young adult literature. But sometimes I don't feel like putting a lot of thought into what I'm reading. I want an escape and stress reliever. Seriously, the last book I read before this one was about polygamy in Utah. Not a light read. So I picked up this one and I have become obsessed! Completely action-packed, good story line, definitely a page-turner. The second book comes out in Sept. 2009.

Read it!

Thank you OCPS

Apparently the geniuses down at the School Board were just a tad bit off the mark when projecting the budget cuts for the upcoming school year.

Instead of a cut of $102 million (which was ridiculous to begin with)
The cuts will now be $240 million.

What this means to me: I'll be unemployed as of early June.

Nothing is 100% definite, but my principal told us that now would be a great time to start looking into that Plan B...

What else this means to me: No baby. Once again, baby plans nixed...

God, please gimme a break

So this is how my day went:

7:30- Arrive at school, get classroom ready for kiddies.
8:30- Kids enter class, refuse to do morning work, bouncing off classroom walls.
9:05- Attempt to start reading lesson, children not focused.
9:30- Student decides she's going to shred and draw with crayon all over her vocabulary.
9:50- Office called for help because student won't sit in seat. Mrs. Heydorn starts to "lose it"
10:00- Assistant Principal enters room and yells at abnoxious brat student.
10:45- Lunch. Student refuses to get in lunch line.
11:27- Student escorted to office for detention.
12:30- Class is bouncing off walls again. Takes 10 minutes to get students in line for Specials.
1:05- Students come back from Specials, talking throughout Math lesson.
2:00- Partner project in Math cancelled because students are fighting.
2:40- Heads down, lights out until bell rings. Class-wide "time out"
3:00- Mrs. H about to QUIT THIS GOD AWFUL JOB, goes to speak to bratty student's mom.
3:30- Bratty student's mom crying and asking "I don't know what to do with her!!!," Mrs. H thinking - how about disciplining your child!?
3:45- Doctor gives Mrs. H the clear to go to the gym because of healed foot. (GOOD NEWS FINALLY!)
4:30- Mrs. H arrives at home, crazy neighbor acosts her while she's trying to enter her home.
4:40- Finally able to enter my house, changing and then my crazy neighbor calls me. I don't answer.
9:00- Driving home from book club, I almost run over a cat and a possum.

SERIOUSLY! IS THIS REALLY MY LIFE!?

Eating Healthy

In the past few years I've really changed my diet. Growing up I used live on rice and beans and a few veggies here and there. When I went to college it definitely got worse. I remember down at UM, I used to subsist on Easy Mac and Hot Pockets. After I studied abroad, I started to get a little bit better about food. I saw how they ate over in Spain and it really motivated me to try some new things.

Now that I'm trying to get pregnant, I really want to make sure that I'm as healthy as I can be. I have pretty much cut out red meat - I saw pretty much because I slip every now and then and have a burger. I'm cutting down on processed foods. I also stopped drinking diet soda and cut back my regular soda drinking. I'm totally into this organic eating thing.

Steve and I have started our own container garden in an effort to affordably get our hands on some organic stuff. We are growing cucumbers, tomatoes, and green beans. Then we a shelf full of herbs - basil, oregano, parsley and cilantro. Everything is starting to sprout up and it looks lovely!

Another option

Yesterday I received my acceptance letter to UCF. I have the option of going back for my Nursing degree if I should choose to do so...

I'm pretty set on the idea of starting a family though. Very set on it actually. The problem is my job. It is slowly killing me.

OK, I know I'm being melodramatic... but some days I leave there thinking, am I getting paid enough to deal with the stress? Trying to teach people's kids the basic skills of how to deal with other people? No hitting, don't push, treat others as you'd like to be treated.... AHHH on top of the curriculum (which is demanding in itself). I feel like sometimes I could honestly use a clone of myself in the classroom; there is so much to do.

At the end of the week, I feel jaded and exhausted. If someone asked me right now if I enjoy teaching, I'd tell them no.

But ask me on one of those days where my kids are well behaved, I feel well rested, and I have lots of "AHA" moments in my classroom... and I'd tell you that I wouldn't give it up for anything.

*sigh*

Musings

Today was absolutely awful. I didn't feel like I was in control of my classroom for most of the day and I kept trying EVERYTHING to get them focused. This class has really challenged me in ways that I never knew were possible.

I was driving home and wondering - how in the world am I going to teach all day long, go pick up my child, and then be a good mom? How do working women do it? I'm so mentally and physically drained after a day with my class, that all I want to do is veg. That won't really be an option when I have a small child around.

I know it can be done... lots of teachers do it... but HOW?