Thursday, December 31, 2009

Argh

You know what bothers me... people saying things like this: Text Color

"Everything happens for a reason."

"Your time will come, don't worry! Just keep positive and you'll get pregnant."

"It took my friend three rounds of Clomid and just as they stopped the third round she got pregnant! It's totally normal, don't stress."

Don't stress. Please, when in my life have I ever been able to not stress! What are the chances I'll be able to not stress about this situation? Slim to none. I'm just tired of the platitudes. People are right about one thing, it will eventually be okay. However, I'm not going to pretend like I'm all happy and excited about this new development in our journey to having a baby. I have a right to be irked!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The news

Well I typed up a long post on livejournal because this is a pretty personal subject... I'm not going to go into details here, but it turns out that "calling in the professionals" was a good idea. In the next few weeks, I'll be having an HSG ultrasound and some blood work to find out what's wrong. If there's no tubal blockage, they are going to start me on hormone treatments.

I am tired and a little bit sad. I always had this worry in the back of my mind that it would be hard for me to get pregnant, but I never actually thought it would become a reality.

Adios 2009!

So this year I decided to look back at my resolutions for 2009 and see what's changed... what hasn't... and what's still in the plans for 2010.

2009, a recap:

2009 started out pretty rough for me. I broke my foot during the 3rd week in January. I did it in the most ridiculous way possible of course. I decided to try my Rebounders... a gym lined wall-to-wall with trampolines. After 5 minutes of falling on my ass, I should've realized it wasn't for me, but instead I figured I'd jump in the air and bounce off the trampoline on my butt. Needless to say, I won't be visiting that place again. I was on crutches and in a walking-boot until Mid-March.

On a more positive note, Steve had a great beginning to 2009. He started working for Coleman Technologies and has experienced a great deal of growth in his career thanks to that company. He's received a raise and bonuses pretty consistently since he began working there. After the whole Tile-Usa debaucle... we were very happy and able to live a little more comfortably on two salaries.

In February, Steve and I decided that our careers were going well and it was time to start trying to have a baby. I stopped taking birth control and we began our journey into becoming parents. More on this later...

In March, I found out that I was going to be rehired for the next school year! It was another stressful end to the school year with more budget cuts and layoffs. I was also informed that I'd be moving up to teach the 3rd grade. I was a little hesitant about it, but glad to have a job for the next school year.

The school year came to a successful end. During the summer, Steve and I were able to travel to Philadelphia to visit Jaime and Dan. It was another fabulous trip up there and we've pretty much decided that we're going to try and make it an annual tradition. In July, I had another chance to satisfy my travel obsession by taking a trip to Costa Rica with Shelly and Tara. We found an all inclusive trip (airfare, car rental, hotels) for a week in three beautiful cities in Costa Rica. We were able to go swimming in a hot spring, go ziplining and horseback riding. It was an amazing week!

In July and August we did some repairs to our home. We finally painted our cabinets and expanded our pantry. The kitchen is still a work in progress... Next up, new countertops and re-tiling the floor. I also spent a lot of the summer at Universal Studios due to the free summer passes that the Dept. of Education gave for teachers! I was able to grow in my friendships with two amazing ladies that I work with, Heather and Marina. They've honestly helped me keep my sanity when things at work get a little crazy. We went to Universal a few times this summer and enjoyed being free from work!

August started a new school year for me. I was on a new team, new grade level, and new kids. My class was a challenging one and I was faced with the most difficult child I've ever encountered. He had mental disabilities and I started on the process of working with the county to get him switched to a special program for students that are behaviorally and emotionally disturbed. On the bright side, my school was able to improve our school grade from a low D to a high C. We were 2 points away from a B! Because of the progress, we all received bonuses.

In September, I was asked to be the 3rd grade team leader. This was one of my personal goals and the next step in my career plan! The rest of the fall has gone by in a breeze. Work stress is definitely at an all time high. I haven't been able to go to the gym as much as I used to because of all of the work stresses. I volunteered to tutor three days a week. HUGE MISTAKE. It brings in a little extra money, but keeps me at work until almost 5pm daily. Lesson learned... I won't be doing that next year.

On the upside, in 2009 I was able to finish the rest of my Alternative Certification classes and I am now eligible to apply for my Professional Certificate. With that comes more assurance that I'll have a job for the next school year.

Throughout 2009, I've been fighting with the difficult decision of changing careers. As of now, I am undecided. I go back and forth and toy with the idea of going back to school for nursing. It's not that I don't like teaching... it's that I wonder if there might not be a better fit for me. I hope that 2010 will bring me more peace, confidence, and the ability to make this difficult decision.

Since March, Steve and I have been trying to have a baby. For the first couple of months we were laid back about it. We figured it would happen pretty quickly. By June, we decided to use ovulation strips and count the days. By October, we were becoming worried. In November, I discovered that I wasn't ovulating regularly. Now it's December and I'm going to see the doctor today. I really thought that in 2009 I'd become a mother and I'm sad to say that that hasn't happened. I know that there's still plenty of time and Steve and I aren't really in a rush... but I'm hoping that 2010 brings us that baby that we've been dreaming of!

2009 became the year of BOOKS for me. According to my GoodReads account, I read 52 books this year. One a week! I discovered the Hunger Games, my favorite book of all time. My friend Cayenne has been lending me tons of great books to read. I discovered that reading is not only a hobby for me, but a NEED. It's my way to destress and escape from the craziness that my life has become. I'm hoping to read even more books next year.

Well goodbye 2009. Here's to a better 2010! Happy New Year everyone!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Calling in the professionals...

So I broke down and made an appt. to see the gyno next week about my pregnancy concerns. I felt silly and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but after 9 months and 2 months without ovulating I'm starting to get a little antsy. Steve thinks I should wait for a year to come before going to the doctor... but I don't see the issue with going now. If I was getting my double stripes on the ovulation tests then I'd know everything was alright. But obviously something is off....

Monday, December 21, 2009

It is incredible how invigorated and rested I feel after only one day on vacation. Just knowing that I don't have to go to work tomorrow lifts this huge weight from my shoulders. It's not that I hate my job... I love working with children. It's just the extreme stress that I'm subjected to each day is really taking a toll on me physically. For the first time in weeks, I woke up feeling energized. I actually didn't get a headache today either. Which is a miracle in itself since I get headaches daily.

Needless to say, I really needed this vacation.

We don't really have anything major planned over the break. Sometimes I wish that Steve had become a teacher as he originally planned so that we'd have vacations together. I can't complain though... he has a really great job.

Baby frustration has been mounting in the past couple of months and as the new year approaches I feel even more frustrated. I figured I'd have a little munchkin of my own by this point... or at least be pretty far in my pregnancy. I was late by 3 days this time and I thought I might be pregnant. Instead, I woke up on Sunday with the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. I ended up downing a huge painkiller and spending Sunday in a drug-induced haze of self pity. Not fun.

For the first time in years, Steve and I aren't going to have to drive down to West Palm and up to Ocala within a few days. WOOHOO! We love our parents, but the traveling is starting to get a little old. This Christmas we're celebrating at my sister's house here in Orlando and then driving up to Ocala. Can't wait! I am in a little shock that this year's coming to a close. Wow... 2009, you generally sucked. Heh.

Anyways, long "2009 Recap" post to come...! Happy Holidays everyone.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

TMI

I hate to get my hopes up every month, but I'm praying that this is the month we finally make baby Heydorn. It's been 8 months of trying now. I never expected that it would take this long. I'm scared shitless that one-year is going to roll around and no baby.

I'm apparently not as fertile as I thought. I haven't ovulated in 2 months or so... which makes getting pregnant really damn difficult.

Anyways, just keep your prayers with us and hopefully this will be it!