Where's my silver lining?

Ahhh, Saturday mornings are made for getting up early, drinking some tea, and catching up on my blogging/Yelp reviews. This is like therapy to me.

Things have been just a bit difficult lately. I started out the week on the wrong foot. A lot of it has to do with my attitude of how I approach work. I'm willing to admit that half of the problem is my perspective. The other half is the ridiculous amount of crap that I have to put up with at work. I'm also willing to admit that I have an inability to handle stress and anxiety. We've been through this before.

Anyways, the week was rough. My kids were off the wall. They are stressed and worried about taking the FCAT in a couple of weeks and their stress is beginning to really present itself in: fights, arguments, and HEAPS of attitude. I consider myself a pretty firm teacher but apparently it's not enough. Coupled with the fact that on a daily basis I have 3-4 students absent, I am consistently struggling to keep things together with my class.

Things really hit a low on Wednesday, when I was observed. I am a perfectionist and I expect that when I'm being observed that things will go the way I want. Anyone that's a teacher knows that this is a pile of crap because kids are never going to act the way you want them to. My stress is caused by feeling a lack of control. To make a long story short, there was some issues during my observation that were not dealt with properly according to administration.

I'm notoriously hard on myself, so when I heard that I had a less-than-perfect observation, I was heartbroken. Not just sad - I totally lost it. I felt ridiculous for sitting there bawling... but I think it was an accumulation of things. I still have to meet with my administrator to discuss the whole observation and hash out some of the issues. After speaking to them on Friday, they are happy with me and want to help.

I just feel that I am a good teacher. I've never been told otherwise and I've been observed both formally and informally a number of times. If there was ever any issue with how I handle my classroom, it was never brought to my attention or I would've corrected it by now. I'm in my third year before seeking my tenure and I don't want anything to mess that up.

I'm feeling better about it today - but I overreacted this week. I think that with all the pregnancy stuff and work stress I just had a meltdown. Plain and simple, my mind can't take it anymore! That's why I needed a weekend down here in West Palm with my family. I feel more relaxed than I have in WEEKS.