Isla de Encanto... parte dos

So this could officially be the last vacation that Steve and I will have with just us. We are going to start trying to make a baby soon. I'm so thrilled because Steve is actually the one that pointed out the afforementioned fact to me. We are ready to start a family and it seems to be all we've been talking about lately. I started on the prenatal vitamins a week or so ago, and this will be my last month on birth control. It's kind of exciting to think of myself as a mother. It's one of those things that I just know I am meant to do.

Puerto Rico has been great. Mainly because these have been the most relaxing few days that I've had in a long time. We had no agenda, no schedule, and no pressure on this trip. I've been able to sleep in, get a tan, and drink lots of beer. All in all, those are the three requirements for a great Caribbean vacation in my book!

Puerto Rico is a great place, but I think that I don't appreciate it as much because I grew up by the ocean. It's something that's always been a part of my life, so the novelty has worn off for me. The highlight of this trip, for me, was meeting some of the locals and getting to use some of my rusty Spanish.

The Love Dare

Steve and I started this yesterday...

I'm pretty excited about it. It's basically a 40 day challenge for husbands and wives to learn how to practice unconditional love. I feel like Steve and I have really lost sight of why we fell in love. We are so caught up in the mundane and stressful, that we are forgetting to appreciate and show that we love each other.

Day One's challenge was to try not to say anything negative to eachother. Now, this may sound easy (and it was for Steve) - but it was DAMN hard for me. I always look to the negative in most aspects in my life. I'm a worrier by nature and it is hard for me to look at the bright side of things. The passage for the day also focused on being patient, which also is another of my challenges. We're gonna talk about it when Steve gets home and move on to Day Two! Will keep you all posted...

And in the end, we lie awake and dream of making our escape

Dear Coldplay,

Sweet Jesus, I love you.

Love,

Dana

Best. Show. Ever. As Steve so eloquently put it: "Damn, these guys could rub shit on their hands, clap it together, and somehow come up with a musical masterpiece." (Yes, he's great with words as you can see...)

The show was incredible. The lighting was amazing and made me feel like I was on some kind of colorful, piano-driven acid trip. At one point there was cascades of black-light reacting confetti falling from the ceiling of the arena... at another there was colored lazers blasting all over the arena to the tune of "Clocks." Between having a seizure and bouncing in my seat happily, I was in heaven!

Truly talented band. I've now seen them three times and I never fail to be impressed. I will definitely go see them a fourth time!

Positivity

I'm feeling much more optimistic than I did the other day when I wrote. I get in these moods where all I do is wallow in self pity and it's so ridiculous that I feel ashamed of myself. Today I did something that I've been meaning to do and actually wrote down my feelings and I shared them with Steve. It was much harder to do than I thought it would be, but I think that it was worth the anxiety. I feel like he really knows what's on my mind now and he understands me a little better.

Let me tell you kids, it is not easy being married. I love my husband very much. We have been together a long time and we really have built the foundations of a great relationship. But once when you live with someone in the "real world," things change. What I mean by the real world is the world where you pay bills, own a home, work 40+ hours a week and have true and unrelenting responsibilities. Before we were married, we had the Navy footing the bill. Working was important, but I wasn't too concerned about how much I made. I just needed enough to get by. Now, I have to bring home that money or we lose our home. Talk about a change in the stress. All this takes a toll on your relationship when you don't know how to handle it. I like to believe that Steve and I can handle it. Only time will tell. But we are trying hard because we love each other. I hope that that's enough.

I have neglected my blog and livejournal for a while because of the sheer amount of chaos going on in my life right now. I have been working for Yelp.com since September doing online reviews of local businesses, so most of my time online has been spent doing that. My assignment is winding down though and I'll have more time to write for fun. I have enjoyed working for Yelp though. It's really allowed me to experience a lot of places in this city that I might have overlooked otherwise. I still think Orlando is the armpit of Florida, but I can now admit that there's some positives to this city. There's so many quirky and interesting stores and restaurants. Being as I am a foodie, it's a lot of fun for me!

Well that is all for now... I'm going to try and dedicate more time to getting my thoughts out on here!

Sometimes I feel like I am honestly going to snap. I just completed one of the most trying weeks I've ever experienced. I feel overwhelmed and tired. I'm having problems with my birth control and I feel horrible. I am going to be a whiny bitch in this blog entry, but I think I'm entitled to that. Try having your period for 14 days straight (and counting) and let me see what you come up with.

I don't want much in life. I think that my desires are pretty understandable and rational at this point in my life. I'm going to be 27 years old soon and I feel that I've worked hard for what I have and deserve to feel happiness. I feel that my happiness rests on having:

A safe place to live
A family
Financial stability

Those are the three main things that I'm working so hard to achieve right now. As my friends and loved ones settle down and start to have children, I feel left out. You could even say that I'm jealous. I want to be there also... so I work harder and I take on more responsibility... but I get nowhere. Right now there is no more room on my plate for anything else. The damn plate is full. My weeks are stuffed full of all these activities to try and "better myself" but I don't feel better. I feel like I'm going to grind my teeth down to stumps if I don't change something.

I'm currently:
Taking 2 classes (one online, one meets on Saturdays)
Working 40 hours a week (teaching DEMON CHILDREN)
Paying the bills (all of them!)
Trying to stay in shape
Taking more responsiblity on the second grade team (planning a field trip this week...)

On one hand, I like to feel busy. But on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm GETTING ANYWHERE! Ugh, I think that writing this really did help my mind calm down a little bit...
Is it normal to feel this frustrated at my age?