That day in Cadiz

I knew that life was going to be hard after college. As I was traveling and avoiding all of my responsibilities a few years ago, I knew that I would call on those memories when I was feeling stressed or depressed. The past few weeks have been trying to say the least. I find myself driving to work and daydreaming about taking the Metro to Universidad Complutense in Madrid. As I sit in gridlock on East Colonial Drive in the hell that is Orlando rush hour traffic - somehow these memories calm me. Usually a song sets them off.

Today I was in the shower at 10pm after a particularly exhausting day and Don't Panic by Coldplay came on my iPod. What a suitable song for me, since today I almost had a panic attack about three times. Anyways, it took me back to the four days that I spent in Sevilla and Cadiz with my three Persian buddies from ISA - Diana, Natalie and Rebecca. I listened to Coldplay pretty much non-stop during my months traveling and therefore most of the songs are connected to that experience for me. But this particular song brings me back to a morning on the beach in Cadiz.

That day in Cadiz was my first time at a topless beach. I have zippo body confidence, so I kept my top on. Diana's friend from Paris was traveling with us that day, and she promptly shed her top and conversed with us while getting sunburnt in areas that were definitely not used to seeing the sun. I loved the beach that day because it was actually cold out. The sun felt so amazing on my skin. I grew up in Florida and going to the beach for me includes chest collapsing humidity, uncomfortably harsh sun, and blistering heat. I actually had a sweater on over my bathing suit and my really Cuban-looking straw hat.

I remember feeling completely free. That is what travel is to me. Feeling like I don't have to answer to anyone except for myself. When I travel, I'm allowed to be completely self-indulgent. I can change my plans and go where I please. My daily life is so far from this that it stiffles me. It is not that I don't enjoy my career and love my husband. I truly do. But sometimes I miss the carefree and spontaneous version of my self that I seem to have left somewhere over in Europe. I wish I could get that part of myself back and teach her how to live in my here and now.

That day in Cadiz, I put my headphones on and snuggled up in my sweater. I laid back on the warm sand and fell asleep to Don't Panic. Forever, that song and that memory are bonded together.