Frustrations

I originally started this journal as a travel journal... but then I realized that journeys don't only have to be physical. I've been on a journey for the past few years, ever since I finished college. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm headed. I wish I had the time to sit down and revisit some of the trips I've taken and add them here, but it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon. For now, my ordinary life will have to suffice.

I've been an angry little troll lately. For the past few nights I just had this awful anxiety and negativity hovering around me. I felt like strangling everyone near me and just crawling up in bed. Being unable to get around on my own is definitely causing this. I also feel very helpless in my career right now. I've been told that I won't have my teaching contract renewed because I'm on an annual teaching contract. Without going into all the technicalities... I'm basically out of luck because I've been teaching under three years. This happened last year also. I could cross my fingers and hope that I get rehired. I know that my principal would try her best to keep me if she could. The unfortunate circumstances are that she has little to no say in it. Budget cuts are a bitch...

I can't stand the uncertainty. I went through this last year and I won't go through it again. If I get rehired, I'm sure that this budget crisis will not be resolved come the 2010-11 school year, so I will have to face it again. I am considering other employment options right now. I want to start a family. I can't do it until I know that I have a stable career.

The heartbreaking part of it is that I am actually a pretty good teacher. My kids are learning, my classroom environment is great, and I enjoy working with kids. Sadly, these things are not enough. I need to be able to better my life and to start a family with my husband.

So these are the reasons I've been an angry little troll. Blech.

I felt a little better being able to drive to work today and I'm hoping that things start to look up on the career front.