Taken from the El Jay...
So for my annual New Years Eve post...Steve and I both agree that 2008 was one of the most challenging years we've ever had (both individually and as a couple) and we are looking forward to 2009 because we know that many great things are going to come our way.
2008, a recap: 2008 started out pretty positively for me at work, I started to feel comfortable as a teacher and my administration started to recognize me for the work I was doing. There was a lot of stress in the spring because I thought I might lose my job due to budget cuts. I took a lot of classes and got my ESOL certification. 2008 was a stressful and busy year for my career.
In February, Steve started working with Tile USA in what we hoped would be a career that would help us to acheive some of our dreams. Unfortunately, the economy went to hell and his job went along with it. Things never looked up with Tile USA and we spent probably the next 6 months fighting over him finding a new job. Finally in November, he got an interview and starts his new job in a few days.
Around March, Steve and I decided that we wanted to have a family sooner than we had originally thought. We started planning towards that... but it turns out that things just weren't ready financially. By the summer, Steve basically told me he wasn't ready and I knew deep down that we couldn't afford a baby. Plans off...
The summer was the definite low of 2008. In the beginning of July, Steve's older brother tried to commit suicide twice. It was a combination of things that lead him to it, but mostly his f-ed up marriage. After his recovery, he came to live with us. He was extremely difficult to live with and despite all the horrible stories he told us about living with his wife, he ended up going back to her and calling off the divorce. He also cut off his family in the process. BAD summer.
The new school year started in August and for a few months there I actually thought that this year would be a breeze. EHH wrong again. We got a new principal and with that came a plethora of new responsibilities. My school is on the verge of being "restructured" by the Dept. of Education. BAD stuff going on at school.
The whole year I debated between switching careers, moving, getting up and running off to a foreign country.... this whole being an adult thing is a hard adjustment to make. Even though I was married in 2007, 2008 was the year I truly adjusted to being married. It's not all sunshine and fairy tales kids. When normal life hits you and the honeymoon phase wears off, you really have to work to keep your marriage working. I am happy to say, that Steve and I are ending 2008 on a positive note and more in love than before.
Now the year is over and we've decided to start a family. Steve is more than on board now. We are doing OKAY. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be. We have two dogs that we love like children. We have a lot of love to give to a child.
If I have to make any resolutions for 2009, one of the main ones would definitely be to stop worrying so much. To realize that life doesn't have a set plan for anyone. I don't have to have the next 5 years of my life planned out down to the last detail. I can have a family and still pursue another career. The only limits that exist are the ones that I place there for myself. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be exactly what we wanted (even though we didn't know it at the time).
2009 will be the year that I become a mother.
2009 might be the year that I change careers.
2009 will be the year that we change the place that we live into a true home.
There are a lot of expectations that we have for this year, but I just know that things will look up from where they were at this time a year ago. Happy New Years EVERYONE! ♥
Friday, January 2, 2009
Saturday, December 13, 2008
A glimmer of creativity
I had a flash of creativity today while driving home. I am going to start writing a book. Recently, I've decided that one of my life goals is to write a book. It sounds so cliche... one of thoes things that "everyone" wants to do. For the past few months I've known that I want to try my hand at writing on the side, but had no clue what to write about. I don't want it to be cheesy. I want it to be about something I love. Instantly I thought about traveling. I have a huge passion for it and I'm pretty knowledgable. The problem is that I'm SO passionate about it, that I tend to turn into an overly sentimental, sappy mess. I get stuck on the emotions of it all and end up not giving very good information.
Back to my original point. I want to write something unique and written from a female perspective. It definitely has to be a work of fiction and I want to add depth to the main character. The books that I personally love are the ones where I feel like I've gotten to know the main character. I came up with this idea in the car and I instantly had to write it down as soon as I got home.
It's by no means what the final product will be... but I think that if I brainstorm a little bit, it might actually develop into something with potential.
Here's the basic premise so far:
You are given the chance to relive three significant experiences in your life. You get to pick the experiences and you have the choice to change only your actions (if you choose to). You are not able to control how others act, but you are responsible for how your actions change the actions of the people around you.
The catch: You will have to give up one important thing in your life. The problem: You are not allowed to choose this thing, and you won't know what it is until you return to the present.
The main character will be a 30-something female who has lost her husband in a tragic accident within the past year. She's started to heal and is starting to put her life back together. She's given this opportunity. (I haven't decided how she'll run into the chance, maybe a mysterious stranger or a book that she finds that tells her how to tap into this ability...) She is hesitant to try it at first, but then realizes that she can relive experiences from when her husband was alive. She knows that it's unhealthy and at first turns it down, but the opportunity is just too much for her. She gives in and decides that this will be her way to say goodbye to him once and for all.
Of course, the problem will be that she ends up giving up something that she can't imagine living without.
So there it is. The beginnings of an idea.
Who knows where I'll go with it?
Back to my original point. I want to write something unique and written from a female perspective. It definitely has to be a work of fiction and I want to add depth to the main character. The books that I personally love are the ones where I feel like I've gotten to know the main character. I came up with this idea in the car and I instantly had to write it down as soon as I got home.
It's by no means what the final product will be... but I think that if I brainstorm a little bit, it might actually develop into something with potential.
Here's the basic premise so far:
You are given the chance to relive three significant experiences in your life. You get to pick the experiences and you have the choice to change only your actions (if you choose to). You are not able to control how others act, but you are responsible for how your actions change the actions of the people around you.
The catch: You will have to give up one important thing in your life. The problem: You are not allowed to choose this thing, and you won't know what it is until you return to the present.
The main character will be a 30-something female who has lost her husband in a tragic accident within the past year. She's started to heal and is starting to put her life back together. She's given this opportunity. (I haven't decided how she'll run into the chance, maybe a mysterious stranger or a book that she finds that tells her how to tap into this ability...) She is hesitant to try it at first, but then realizes that she can relive experiences from when her husband was alive. She knows that it's unhealthy and at first turns it down, but the opportunity is just too much for her. She gives in and decides that this will be her way to say goodbye to him once and for all.
Of course, the problem will be that she ends up giving up something that she can't imagine living without.
So there it is. The beginnings of an idea.
Who knows where I'll go with it?
Friday, November 28, 2008
Isla de Encanto... parte dos
So this could officially be the last vacation that Steve and I will have with just us. We are going to start trying to make a baby soon. I'm so thrilled because Steve is actually the one that pointed out the afforementioned fact to me. We are ready to start a family and it seems to be all we've been talking about lately. I started on the prenatal vitamins a week or so ago, and this will be my last month on birth control. It's kind of exciting to think of myself as a mother. It's one of those things that I just know I am meant to do.
Puerto Rico has been great. Mainly because these have been the most relaxing few days that I've had in a long time. We had no agenda, no schedule, and no pressure on this trip. I've been able to sleep in, get a tan, and drink lots of beer. All in all, those are the three requirements for a great Caribbean vacation in my book!
Puerto Rico is a great place, but I think that I don't appreciate it as much because I grew up by the ocean. It's something that's always been a part of my life, so the novelty has worn off for me. The highlight of this trip, for me, was meeting some of the locals and getting to use some of my rusty Spanish.
Puerto Rico has been great. Mainly because these have been the most relaxing few days that I've had in a long time. We had no agenda, no schedule, and no pressure on this trip. I've been able to sleep in, get a tan, and drink lots of beer. All in all, those are the three requirements for a great Caribbean vacation in my book!
Puerto Rico is a great place, but I think that I don't appreciate it as much because I grew up by the ocean. It's something that's always been a part of my life, so the novelty has worn off for me. The highlight of this trip, for me, was meeting some of the locals and getting to use some of my rusty Spanish.
Monday, November 10, 2008
The Love Dare
Steve and I started this yesterday...
I'm pretty excited about it. It's basically a 40 day challenge for husbands and wives to learn how to practice unconditional love. I feel like Steve and I have really lost sight of why we fell in love. We are so caught up in the mundane and stressful, that we are forgetting to appreciate and show that we love each other.
Day One's challenge was to try not to say anything negative to eachother. Now, this may sound easy (and it was for Steve) - but it was DAMN hard for me. I always look to the negative in most aspects in my life. I'm a worrier by nature and it is hard for me to look at the bright side of things. The passage for the day also focused on being patient, which also is another of my challenges. We're gonna talk about it when Steve gets home and move on to Day Two! Will keep you all posted...
Saturday, November 8, 2008
And in the end, we lie awake and dream of making our escape
Dear Coldplay,
Sweet Jesus, I love you.
Love,
Dana
Best. Show. Ever. As Steve so eloquently put it: "Damn, these guys could rub shit on their hands, clap it together, and somehow come up with a musical masterpiece." (Yes, he's great with words as you can see...)
The show was incredible. The lighting was amazing and made me feel like I was on some kind of colorful, piano-driven acid trip. At one point there was cascades of black-light reacting confetti falling from the ceiling of the arena... at another there was colored lazers blasting all over the arena to the tune of "Clocks." Between having a seizure and bouncing in my seat happily, I was in heaven!
Truly talented band. I've now seen them three times and I never fail to be impressed. I will definitely go see them a fourth time!
Positivity
I'm feeling much more optimistic than I did the other day when I wrote. I get in these moods where all I do is wallow in self pity and it's so ridiculous that I feel ashamed of myself. Today I did something that I've been meaning to do and actually wrote down my feelings and I shared them with Steve. It was much harder to do than I thought it would be, but I think that it was worth the anxiety. I feel like he really knows what's on my mind now and he understands me a little better.
Let me tell you kids, it is not easy being married. I love my husband very much. We have been together a long time and we really have built the foundations of a great relationship. But once when you live with someone in the "real world," things change. What I mean by the real world is the world where you pay bills, own a home, work 40+ hours a week and have true and unrelenting responsibilities. Before we were married, we had the Navy footing the bill. Working was important, but I wasn't too concerned about how much I made. I just needed enough to get by. Now, I have to bring home that money or we lose our home. Talk about a change in the stress. All this takes a toll on your relationship when you don't know how to handle it. I like to believe that Steve and I can handle it. Only time will tell. But we are trying hard because we love each other. I hope that that's enough.
I have neglected my blog and livejournal for a while because of the sheer amount of chaos going on in my life right now. I have been working for Yelp.com since September doing online reviews of local businesses, so most of my time online has been spent doing that. My assignment is winding down though and I'll have more time to write for fun. I have enjoyed working for Yelp though. It's really allowed me to experience a lot of places in this city that I might have overlooked otherwise. I still think Orlando is the armpit of Florida, but I can now admit that there's some positives to this city. There's so many quirky and interesting stores and restaurants. Being as I am a foodie, it's a lot of fun for me!
Well that is all for now... I'm going to try and dedicate more time to getting my thoughts out on here!
Let me tell you kids, it is not easy being married. I love my husband very much. We have been together a long time and we really have built the foundations of a great relationship. But once when you live with someone in the "real world," things change. What I mean by the real world is the world where you pay bills, own a home, work 40+ hours a week and have true and unrelenting responsibilities. Before we were married, we had the Navy footing the bill. Working was important, but I wasn't too concerned about how much I made. I just needed enough to get by. Now, I have to bring home that money or we lose our home. Talk about a change in the stress. All this takes a toll on your relationship when you don't know how to handle it. I like to believe that Steve and I can handle it. Only time will tell. But we are trying hard because we love each other. I hope that that's enough.
I have neglected my blog and livejournal for a while because of the sheer amount of chaos going on in my life right now. I have been working for Yelp.com since September doing online reviews of local businesses, so most of my time online has been spent doing that. My assignment is winding down though and I'll have more time to write for fun. I have enjoyed working for Yelp though. It's really allowed me to experience a lot of places in this city that I might have overlooked otherwise. I still think Orlando is the armpit of Florida, but I can now admit that there's some positives to this city. There's so many quirky and interesting stores and restaurants. Being as I am a foodie, it's a lot of fun for me!
Well that is all for now... I'm going to try and dedicate more time to getting my thoughts out on here!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sometimes I feel like I am honestly going to snap. I just completed one of the most trying weeks I've ever experienced. I feel overwhelmed and tired. I'm having problems with my birth control and I feel horrible. I am going to be a whiny bitch in this blog entry, but I think I'm entitled to that. Try having your period for 14 days straight (and counting) and let me see what you come up with.
I don't want much in life. I think that my desires are pretty understandable and rational at this point in my life. I'm going to be 27 years old soon and I feel that I've worked hard for what I have and deserve to feel happiness. I feel that my happiness rests on having:
A safe place to live
A family
Financial stability
Those are the three main things that I'm working so hard to achieve right now. As my friends and loved ones settle down and start to have children, I feel left out. You could even say that I'm jealous. I want to be there also... so I work harder and I take on more responsibility... but I get nowhere. Right now there is no more room on my plate for anything else. The damn plate is full. My weeks are stuffed full of all these activities to try and "better myself" but I don't feel better. I feel like I'm going to grind my teeth down to stumps if I don't change something.
I'm currently:
Taking 2 classes (one online, one meets on Saturdays)
Working 40 hours a week (teaching DEMON CHILDREN)
Paying the bills (all of them!)
Trying to stay in shape
Taking more responsiblity on the second grade team (planning a field trip this week...)
On one hand, I like to feel busy. But on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm GETTING ANYWHERE! Ugh, I think that writing this really did help my mind calm down a little bit...
Is it normal to feel this frustrated at my age?
I don't want much in life. I think that my desires are pretty understandable and rational at this point in my life. I'm going to be 27 years old soon and I feel that I've worked hard for what I have and deserve to feel happiness. I feel that my happiness rests on having:
A safe place to live
A family
Financial stability
Those are the three main things that I'm working so hard to achieve right now. As my friends and loved ones settle down and start to have children, I feel left out. You could even say that I'm jealous. I want to be there also... so I work harder and I take on more responsibility... but I get nowhere. Right now there is no more room on my plate for anything else. The damn plate is full. My weeks are stuffed full of all these activities to try and "better myself" but I don't feel better. I feel like I'm going to grind my teeth down to stumps if I don't change something.
I'm currently:
Taking 2 classes (one online, one meets on Saturdays)
Working 40 hours a week (teaching DEMON CHILDREN)
Paying the bills (all of them!)
Trying to stay in shape
Taking more responsiblity on the second grade team (planning a field trip this week...)
On one hand, I like to feel busy. But on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm GETTING ANYWHERE! Ugh, I think that writing this really did help my mind calm down a little bit...
Is it normal to feel this frustrated at my age?
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